"If You Were REALLY SORRY Then You Would ..."

Why Others Won't Accept Your Apology

Too often in relationships something goes wrong and a person gets hurt. At times it is intentional and other times it happens out of not paying attention to what is important. We end up failing another person and then attempt to express our apologies to that person. We humble ourselves, give an apology and then somehow it gets rejected, "You are not even sorry! If you were really sorry then you would ..."

Now you are really frustrated and the relationship is even more strained. Inside your head you are doing everything not fire back to them, "Did you not hear me?! Am I speaking another language?!" The walls go up and you want to give up. But don't give up yet! Here is a great tool of communication found in a book by Gary Chapman, The Five Languages of Apology. It turns out that perhaps you were speaking in a different language after all. Here are five ways people generally understand and communicate apology. There is a good chance you both are just not hearing each other they way you intended.

Words of regret. "I am sorry. I made you feel ... I feel terrible for what I have done to you." They need to see both genuine empathy towards them and genuine sorrow from you.

Making restitution. "How can I make things right? What can I do to fix what I have done?" They need everything fixed and made right again.

Admitting wrong. "I was wrong when I ..." They need For you to see that you acknowledge you were wrong.

Asking for forgiveness. "Will you forgive me for ..." They need to hear you specifically ask for forgiveness. This puts your relationship with them in their control because you broke it.

Repentance. Just change your attitude and behavior. No words just action. If you tell them anything then tell them, "I'll try not to do that again." And then share your plan to change and carry it out.

All in all, your apology has to be heartfelt and put the other person first, no matter what their language of apology is. For those who are attempting to apologize to you, grant them mercy as they are doing the best they can using their language to show their regret. Prayerfully forgive anyway. Perhaps share in a humble manner how you understand an apology and thank them for showing theirs.


Realize as well that some people are so hurt, even adding to their previous hurts, that they will not accept an apology, no matter what language you use. Express your apology anyway as best you can. Ask how they would understand your regret. If nothing then forgive them between you and the Lord and leave them in God's hands. Be glad the Lord has been merciful to you. "Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you." Colossians 3:13. 

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

I'M A HATER

Image
I'll just come right out and admit it – I'm a full-fledged hater.  Although no one has ever called me that to my face - or even over social media – I'm sure quite a few have thought it of me.   I can’t get around the fact. I'm a hater.  It is who I am, to the core of my being. And believe it or not, as a follower of Christ, I really have no problem being known as a hater. In fact, I consider it an honor. My highest honor actually. Stick with me here! To the end. It may blow our mind and cause us all to rethink our current mantra of the day. Scripture tends to do that.  Why do I hate? I hate because God hates. "What?! But isn't God a God of love?" Certainly! In fact, God is love defined (1 John 4:8), but as Love, here’s what He tells us about Himself. " … because they have done all these things and I am filled with disgust against them." Leviticus 20:23 "Arrogant people cannot stand in...
Read more

Seven Lame Excuses Christians Use When Confronted For Their Bad Behavior:

Image
“Who are you to judge me? Let God judge me.” This is generally taken from Matt. 7:1. But read the rest of the verse - Matt. 7:2-5. Also read 1 Cor. 5:12-13; James 2:12-13; John 7:24; Matt. 18:15-17; James 5:20; Gal. 6:1. Continually throughout the NT, God commands His people to correct, rebuke, exhort and encourage. Note as well that the one who claims that they are being judged is also judging the person doing the confronting. Kinda kills the whole argument. The judging Jesus hated was both hypocritical and based upon perceived character and intent rather than an action witnessed. Only God knows the intent and the character. We however are supposed to judge one another based upon the fruit and the action of the believer. Imagine a world where no one pointed out the wrongs of life. If we truly love someone then how can we not warn them? God uses others within the Body to warn us of His judgment. It is to be done in humility and out of love - for the person and for God's holiness...
Read more

The Lost Emotion of Anguish

Image
If you have found yourself lately with a pit in your stomach, feeling grief and sorrow in your heart over events happening in the world around you - you have your heart in the right place. It’s the heart that God has given you. The consequences of sin is devastating. It not only hurts the one doing it but also the ones around them, even if not directly. It also harms society in general. No one is an island to themselves. The wages of sin is indeed death. Not merely physical death but having repercussions that affect all. Just ask Adam.  It seems in our society, and even in the church, the knee jerk reaction when evil happens is to look for the silver lining in the cloud of despair. It’s certainly easier that way. And far less troubling. Dwelling upon a wrong that happened or is happening is too consuming. When we see that bad things are occurring around us we often drift towards finding a distraction. Caring is far too painful, especially when we think we can do no...
Read more